I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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