My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
