my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
