dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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