A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
