I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
