Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
