I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
