There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
