i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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