hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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