What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
