We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
