it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
