making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
