a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
