Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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