Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
