How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
