Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
