the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
