There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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