just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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