I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
