I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize