Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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