i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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