Nicole vs. Life
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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