either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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