Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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