Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
