you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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