you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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