ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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