moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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