My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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