I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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