I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
