this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
