Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
