Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So much rum. So many feels.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
