Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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