That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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