why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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