I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
