help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
