I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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