If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
