wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
