if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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