I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
