So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
