In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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