Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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