this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
