There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
