Porn is love you can see.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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