we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
