She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
