I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
